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By Neil, January 9, 2008 11:48 PM

Marj and I went shopping yesterday. She has discovered a service called The Grocery Game that is supposed to help people save money when buying groceries. We found that it did, indeed, help us find great bargains. There were errors, but I think it will help us to shop smarter over time.

I wanted to get a copy of the current ad for the store we were visiting first because we had been shopping for an hour and we were noticing that The Grocery Game was not reflecting any of the prices on display. However, I decided a quick restroom visit was in order before doing so.

Men’s underwear usually includes an opening in the front for easy access when relief is needed from a full bladder and a urinal is utilized. Honestly, I don’t know what the proper name is for this feature, so I’ll just call it “The Escape Hatch.” It is nice to utilize this feature when using a urinal because it enables you to do your business without having to resort to more drastic measures, like unbuckling your belt and unfastening your pants and run the risk of “dropping trou” and potentially causing a mess that no one will want to clean up.

I was standing there, and I was ready to go. I’ve done this many times. Unzip, open “The Escape Hatch,” etc., you get the picture. Only this time, there was a problem. “The Escape Hatch” was missing. Not believing this was true; I started looking for it for a few minutes. Then, it occurred to me that I may be rather embarrassed if someone where to walk in and find me struggling so badly with my front side. So, I resolved to unbuckling and unfastening.

After my troublesome visit, I began to wonder if I had somehow put my briefs on backwards, and I found this thought quite revolting. No one would ever want to utilize this feature from this side. That would be absolutely gross. So, I put the thought out of my head and moved on.

We reviewed the current ad and decided that we were a day early to the store, and that our information was for the ad that was released today; therefore we abandoned our shopping at this store. After finishing our shopping at two other stores, we went home. Marj and I put the groceries away, and then decided it was time to get ready for bed. The time had come to find out if I was losing my mind.

Thankfully, I was not. This particular pair of briefs was made without “The Escape Hatch” feature.